I just did the stupidest thing I've done in this month as well as last month, and possibly even September and August. And i only have two words with which to describe it: Pepperoncini chow-down. well, maybe three, but since i have a hyphen there how about we settle it at two and a half? anyways, this is pretty much what happened. I got home, opened my laptop, found an AMV i liked, grabbed some pepperoncini, a fork, sat down, and told myself i would eat until i couldn't take it anymore. of course as long as you eat the pepperoncini fast enough the spicy burn won't reach your tongue. That is, until you stop eating. Now, i'm a nut about spicy things, i pride myself for using mustard with enough horseradish in it for your pupils to turn red, i eat wasabe like it's guacamole, i've had level 5 rib sauce at rib-fest, which you have to be in good medical condition to eat, and i practically drink any salsa labeled "hot". And, to top it all off, it's not like i haven't had pepperoncini before, nearly downing all of it in one day if my sister hadn't snatched it. But that was a very, veeeeery different type of pepperoncini. That was banana pepper pepperoncini. This was jalapeno pepperoncini, labaled in nice, easy-to-see yellow lettering, "hot". But what did i do? I grabbed it and started eating the jalapeno slices out of the jar like it was fruit or something, only realizing halfway into my indulgence just what i had done. So i got up hastily, tried my best not to completely DROP my laptop onto the couch, and scurried into the kitchen, pulling the orange juice from the fridge and taking a good swig. Of course being such a fanatic i know that just a gulp won't do, and that you need to drink a few times and then let the spicy feeling fade, easily done if you distract yourself with TV or computer. But that....that did not work so well this time around. I found myself taking drink after drink from the OJ jug, and some from the milk, dousing the excrutiatingly painful burning feeling that focused on the sensitive parts of my tongue, such as the sides. I was, for the first time in YEARS, crying tears of spiciness...perhaps with a little panic mixed in. I tried, in a momemt of madness, to bend over the sink and spit out my tongue, although as you can imagine that didn't work quite well and i just spit out...spit. OJ spit. So then i went to the bathroom, carrying with me the OJ jug i was taking a gulp out of every few seconds, thinking that perhaps rinsing my mouth with some mouthwash would overpower the spice burn. I never managed it, of course, because i only had two hands to work with for a very short time because i had to keep drinking orange juice, and i'm such a chimp that i can never get the stupid pinch-and-twist cap off the mouthwash bottle. So, still periodically drinking the orange juice, and quite distressed, i hurried back to my laptop and asked google if there was some way to get rid of the burning. Google told me that milk might help (it doesn't, i've tried it in the past) or icecream, chips, or bread. As some of you may know, the oil from the pepper is what causes the burning, so if you can get that oil off, the burning will go away. So i discarded the OJ jug and stuffed a slice of bread in my mouth, taking another one just in case on my long three-foot trip to the refridgerator, out of which i pulled the tub of practically finished iceream, a substance not normally found in my household. So i sat down, slice of bread in one hand, icecream and spoon in the other, and watched AMVs as i ate my icecream and took bites of bread in between. Icecream works so well its unbelievable, and the bread is good at dousing a bit of the immediate burn. So now i'm better, and will probably not even LOOK at that pepperoncini until January comes barreling around the corner. Oh, and just in case you were wondering how to ruin your appetite for the lovely Chicken Noodle surprise i am going to have for dinner in a few hours, just drink half a gallon of OJ, eat some bread, ridiculously hot jalapeno pepperoncini, and some icecream, and you'll be fine.